21 Reasons Why Your Life Will Never Be as Awesome as a Video Game
Do you ever just walk around imagining the world around you as a video game? I do. Sometimes I walk down the streets of NYC wondering what would happen if I just jacked a car like in GTA, or if aliens descended a la Mass Effect, or if both happened at once as per Saints Row IV. That’s just the way a brilliant mind like mine works.
But then reality hits and I realize that my life will never be as awesome as a video game because IRL:
21. Eating snacks out of the trash does not heal bullet wounds …
But it might give you a wicked bad case of the poops.
20. You can’t carry nearly as much real stuff as you can video game stuff …
I mean, seriously, who has that many pockets?!
19. Fart noises and chicken dancing aren’t enough to make someone fall in love with you …
Unless you’re this guy.
18. You can’t use magic …
Unless it’s this kind of magic, in which case, all hope is lost carry on.
17. Forging your own weapons and armor is actually really fucking hard …
Never tried cosplay before but props to you crafty mofos.
16. No one is as sexy as they think they are …
Man or woman.
15. Stealing shit is never that easy …
Plus, consequences. Lots of consequences.
14. The zombie apocalypse isn’t coming …
… and this is the closest we’ll get to seeing real zombies.
13. War is actually hell …
95% computerized hell raining death from above.
12. You can’t catch these adorable little shits …
And making real life pets battle to the death isn’t nearly as palatable.
11. Hoarding is not a socially acceptable hobby …
It’s just a sad disease that affects poor people.
10. Blood doesn’t just disappear after a fight …
It leaves an obvious trail of evidence that will lead right back to you. Oh, and it really ruins your clothes.
9. Reading books does not automatically add to your skills …
In fact, sometimes books straight up kill your brain cells.
8. You can never have sex with an alien …
Unless it’s that involuntary anal probing Area 51 kind of alien, maybe.
7. No one is going to wait for their turn to punch you during a fight …
Even if it’s a really organized fight.
6. You definitely wouldn’t survive this jump …
Nope.
5. There is no such thing as fast travel …
Only slow, painful, death-by-travel.
4. Assholes aren’t immediately identifiable by their physical features …
Or are they?
3. Modding in real life is a lot less predictable than modding in video games.
Modding pro tip – less is more.
2. You can’t restart from the last checkpoint …
Hell, you can’t even restart from the beginning. You just have to suck it up and deal with a lifetime of poor decision making.
1. While there is an easy mode and a hard mode in real life …
You don’t get to choose which one you play.
Got any more reasons why video games > real life? Let me know in comments!
Which is why you should cheat so developers won’t have money to keep making games